I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize