the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
