Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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