I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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