Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
