today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
