Fuck appropriateness.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you didnt know i had herpes?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
