Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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