all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
