Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
