I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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