I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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