The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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