Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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