Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
