You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
