They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
