saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
