And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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