so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it glows. i had to have it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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