The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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