ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize