He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
