There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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