Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
