Betty ford says i'm here all night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize