Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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