Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
