I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
