doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
