can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
