Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
