Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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