he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am available for nakedness
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize