I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
