Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
birth control should be required to get into college
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
