I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
