Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
