there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
