Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
