I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Be still, my beating vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
