I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
worst night to have a conscience
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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