If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
