I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
