the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
