We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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