Someone shit on the floor
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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