I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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