its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
