just tell him i said nine months
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We left the knife in your bed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize