It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
