There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
