he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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