Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
