we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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