My friends, they love my intelligence
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
