Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
