Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
