Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
