Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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