i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
