god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
