he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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