the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize