That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Screwed.edu
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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