I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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