just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
