Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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