Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
