my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
