She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize