Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
