video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
