I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
